Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 12, Episode 10
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the tenth episode of the twelfth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * JW - Josh Widdicombe * GD - Gary Delaney * AP - Andy Parsons * RR - Romesh Ranganathan * RB - Rob Beckett Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear On A DIY Show HD - Many people have written to us asking how you can make your house greener. Simple: Paint it green. JW - And there it is, a perfect patio and the police won't suspect a thing. AP - No, no, don't bother putting the kettle on. We'll crack on with the work straight away. RB - The walls are plastered and I'm a little bit shitfaced too, to be honest. RR - Welcome to Bollywood Does DIY. Episode number one, change a light-bulb. (makes a lightbulb screwing motion) GD - I'm Nick Knowles, and no matter how many DIY programmes I make, I'll never be as famous as my sister Beyonce. AP - This week on Grand Designs, two more middle class tossers piss away their life savings on some glorified wendy house. JW - After three hours of sawing, six hours of hammering and sanding all day, it's done! Finally, your neighbours have moved out! HD - So for the best finish, rub vigorously up and down with a piece of sand paper, but be warned, you may get a very sore penis. RB - We've managed to double the price of this house in Middlesbrough. We put twenty quid in the biscuit tin. RR - Jen's parents really helped us out with the budget on this project by dying. HD - (Lancashire accent) So drill the pilot hole, take the plaster board fixing, but before you countersink the baton ask yourself this: "Is it any wonder my wife left me for a table magician from Macclesfield?" AP - We sandblasted several layers of varnish off, but sadly, there was very little of the real Dale Winton left. GD - This week John from Peterborough successfully put a roll of wallpaper up himself, so we're taking him to hospital. RB - We've got twenty-four hours to renovate Sharon's house. Let's start by smashing her back doors in. RR - Sarah Beeny has helped Andy convert his semi into a full boner. Unlikely Lines From A Romantic Novel RB - He gazed into her eyes and said, "Is it better with this lens or this lens?" JW - Godfrey looked behind the fridge. He was in luck. She was a slut! HD - Will you make me the happiest man on earth? Will you marry me? Will you change your name? Will you become the next Mrs Goatybollocks? AP - Yes the earth did move for me. I think they must have started fracking. JW - As he looked into her eyes for the last time he whispered in her ear, "Always remember, we'll always have the bins behind Morrisons." GD - Romeo, Romeo, five five Alpha Zulu Tango grey Skoda Octavia last seen heading towards M6. RR - I've been looking for you my whole life. iPhone maps are crap. RB - He made love to her like no man had ever done before, it was so intense she dropped her chips. AP - "Fancy a coffee?" she said. He realised his luck was in and he started taking his clothes off, at which point he got kicked out of Starbucks. HD - They skipped, hand in hand through the wood. "Oh look!" he said. "A yewtree, how appropriate." JW - He was a strapping officer from World War I. She was disappointed with uniformdating.com. AP - Daisy was everything he looked for in a woman: pissed with low self-esteem. RR - She danced as if no one was watching, but people were watching and she looked like a twat. HD - At last, I have found you. I have found you. Is it really you? Are you Wally? RB - "Does this story have a happy ending?" he asked her. She snapped back, "Happy ending fifty dollar." Category:Scenes We'd Like To See